Post by Fenris on Sept 25, 2014 14:59:05 GMT -5
In the cold....life changes so much for a man lost in his own mistakes. His brain wrapped around what he had to do, been a soldier, been a hunter, been a father...shortly...been a husband...shortly...technically still was but that didn't matter for much...she was long gone. He lays in the snow, not covered in furs, not hiding from the subzero temperatures of the Ice. A mission he asked for from his own mother, to prove himself. So much he just found himself losing the steam to care about anything. Not very Fenrir of him...not that he gave a flying heap currently. To die out here would be an honorable death, that's all he welcomed in the end, to be gone from existence. He could feel his blood warm trickling down his face now melting the snow under his face. Should I die here is a question that keeps ticking through his mind. The feel of his broken ribs trying to pierce parts of his inside they shouldn't. His legs becoming numb.
He played through his head everything in that moment....not his whole life, just the past almost 2 years. Thats when shit got crazy, thats when shit changed. There was no way to go back. There was no way to undo shit....so many he watched burn...he had no way of knowing then what he knows now. The words of his little blonde mess, and his brother somehow lost and refound and pieced together. His own fathers words now beginning to make sense. Suddenly he could see everything, and that made him really not ok or at peace with himself. After all was said and done, he felt more distant from his Father....and now Mother. He was oddly beginning to understand Lief....no get it completely...but understand him....There in that moment he knew his younger brother was the Better Fenrir, the Better Hunter, and the better man. Too much in the way of Personal emotion ripped him up. He was almost too passionate and lacked that control that Eva had, That Lief had, that his own Father had. No when Gunnar got started he wanted to rip everything down that he possibly could. He could take every motherfucker with him as far as he was concerned too....he was bound to anyway....every mother fucker he knew was dead..except the hounds. Maybe he just lucked out too this point. it was hard to tell anymore as much time as he had spent alone. Part of it was self induced....part of it was because the would be woman he married vanished to where ever she vanished off to .
Sometimes he wished he would have never rode to the hounds that day. In the end though what was his life worth really?....One person changed his life forever....one person who left and never came back. He attached so hard, his mind kept screaming her name. begging for her at times. He was a fool in his own mind. How many others had she told what she told him. How many others touch did she long for. Why wasn't he good enough, why didn't he matter. It wrenched in him. He tried to silence those screams so many times before in various different ways. The booze just reminded him of her, and most other people, especially women disgusted him now. They weren't her. How did one woman make him this way. He could feel himself crumbling again, no mother, or father to stop him now, no Lief to come out of no where and tell him he was a fool. If he could just erase it all. She could go away....and he could live like normal....no, as he laid there almost giving up, and surrendering himself to a warriors death one thought burned brighter than all those questions and all those feeble broken requests.
He promised....just as she...not to give up....Ohh fuck you, he thinks to himself. " Just let me fucking die." He smacks his palm to the side of his head hearing a voice...." no..." He frowns feeling him self go mad a bit....if that is what was happening.
No, it repeats with fervor as his bruised and bloody fist hit the ground and he pushes himself back up slowly, the dark frame in front of him. A flame starts to come to his form. It didn't matter what had happened. She was there, she changed him, she made him stronger just knowing her. He would not have those deep blue eyes look over his grave in disappointment. Something pushed her one way or another...he just had to accept that. To love that woman was to accept her as she was...as crazy as it was and she was. The rugged Fenrir was in no place to ever judge her. Hell he may have pushed her a bit because he wanted her that bad. For however long she was his, she was his. He cracked his neck, oh no this wasn't over yet. This wasn't over until Gunnar was dead. He could still feel that woman very alive inside of him, as if she left a piece of her self in there just for him. As the dark figures turned to face the rising kinfolk, he leaned his head back and spit blood into the snow." Ohh see, now ye just pissed me off." He wasn't a just soldier anymore....he could actually feel the mechanics of him changing." Sorry about dat, Now ye get me when I am awake." Suddenly the whole world lights into a blue flame explosion as things just fry around him and he falls back into the snow in a lump.
Yeah, no furs, didn't matter, he would get back to being him again...this was not the end. " Get up Gunnar. You Retard." He hears that voice again. He goes straight faced like he is not amused." FOOOCKKK YEEEE" His middle finger shoots into the air," Gunnar....quit trolling....no one believes you." The Fenrir sighs." I hate you sometimes.... Unless you're going to show up. and not be dead. You don't get a bloody say." He looks around as if to wait to see if she is gonna respond....nothing...He finally pushes himself back up," Aww but Gunnar, I am alive, inside you." Gunnar frowns knowing that voice again." Ohh Christ, do you really EVEN Have to troll me in Death...This. Is. Not. COOL!." Looks around holding his ribs." Listen to your brother...Go home." Gunnar Frowns and shakes his head." You can't control me anymore woman." He hears her playful slightly taunting laugh, If it were anyone but here he would have hit them, laughing at him like that.," WHAT?!?" The fenrir exclaims So fucking annoyed he wishes he could frenzy," You're standing aren't you." The cold man looks toward what would be Northgards Fortress. Here is a long sigh as his fingers press the bloody pieced flesh." I seriously...Seriously Fuckin hate you right now."
He played through his head everything in that moment....not his whole life, just the past almost 2 years. Thats when shit got crazy, thats when shit changed. There was no way to go back. There was no way to undo shit....so many he watched burn...he had no way of knowing then what he knows now. The words of his little blonde mess, and his brother somehow lost and refound and pieced together. His own fathers words now beginning to make sense. Suddenly he could see everything, and that made him really not ok or at peace with himself. After all was said and done, he felt more distant from his Father....and now Mother. He was oddly beginning to understand Lief....no get it completely...but understand him....There in that moment he knew his younger brother was the Better Fenrir, the Better Hunter, and the better man. Too much in the way of Personal emotion ripped him up. He was almost too passionate and lacked that control that Eva had, That Lief had, that his own Father had. No when Gunnar got started he wanted to rip everything down that he possibly could. He could take every motherfucker with him as far as he was concerned too....he was bound to anyway....every mother fucker he knew was dead..except the hounds. Maybe he just lucked out too this point. it was hard to tell anymore as much time as he had spent alone. Part of it was self induced....part of it was because the would be woman he married vanished to where ever she vanished off to .
Sometimes he wished he would have never rode to the hounds that day. In the end though what was his life worth really?....One person changed his life forever....one person who left and never came back. He attached so hard, his mind kept screaming her name. begging for her at times. He was a fool in his own mind. How many others had she told what she told him. How many others touch did she long for. Why wasn't he good enough, why didn't he matter. It wrenched in him. He tried to silence those screams so many times before in various different ways. The booze just reminded him of her, and most other people, especially women disgusted him now. They weren't her. How did one woman make him this way. He could feel himself crumbling again, no mother, or father to stop him now, no Lief to come out of no where and tell him he was a fool. If he could just erase it all. She could go away....and he could live like normal....no, as he laid there almost giving up, and surrendering himself to a warriors death one thought burned brighter than all those questions and all those feeble broken requests.
He promised....just as she...not to give up....Ohh fuck you, he thinks to himself. " Just let me fucking die." He smacks his palm to the side of his head hearing a voice...." no..." He frowns feeling him self go mad a bit....if that is what was happening.
No, it repeats with fervor as his bruised and bloody fist hit the ground and he pushes himself back up slowly, the dark frame in front of him. A flame starts to come to his form. It didn't matter what had happened. She was there, she changed him, she made him stronger just knowing her. He would not have those deep blue eyes look over his grave in disappointment. Something pushed her one way or another...he just had to accept that. To love that woman was to accept her as she was...as crazy as it was and she was. The rugged Fenrir was in no place to ever judge her. Hell he may have pushed her a bit because he wanted her that bad. For however long she was his, she was his. He cracked his neck, oh no this wasn't over yet. This wasn't over until Gunnar was dead. He could still feel that woman very alive inside of him, as if she left a piece of her self in there just for him. As the dark figures turned to face the rising kinfolk, he leaned his head back and spit blood into the snow." Ohh see, now ye just pissed me off." He wasn't a just soldier anymore....he could actually feel the mechanics of him changing." Sorry about dat, Now ye get me when I am awake." Suddenly the whole world lights into a blue flame explosion as things just fry around him and he falls back into the snow in a lump.
Yeah, no furs, didn't matter, he would get back to being him again...this was not the end. " Get up Gunnar. You Retard." He hears that voice again. He goes straight faced like he is not amused." FOOOCKKK YEEEE" His middle finger shoots into the air," Gunnar....quit trolling....no one believes you." The Fenrir sighs." I hate you sometimes.... Unless you're going to show up. and not be dead. You don't get a bloody say." He looks around as if to wait to see if she is gonna respond....nothing...He finally pushes himself back up," Aww but Gunnar, I am alive, inside you." Gunnar frowns knowing that voice again." Ohh Christ, do you really EVEN Have to troll me in Death...This. Is. Not. COOL!." Looks around holding his ribs." Listen to your brother...Go home." Gunnar Frowns and shakes his head." You can't control me anymore woman." He hears her playful slightly taunting laugh, If it were anyone but here he would have hit them, laughing at him like that.," WHAT?!?" The fenrir exclaims So fucking annoyed he wishes he could frenzy," You're standing aren't you." The cold man looks toward what would be Northgards Fortress. Here is a long sigh as his fingers press the bloody pieced flesh." I seriously...Seriously Fuckin hate you right now."
